Unlearn

I.

We all have an identity; it majorly comprises of beliefs.

Beliefs are not just verbatim but are mostly associated with emotions. Beliefs are crucial to our identity. I would like to classify beliefs into 3 classes: safe beliefs, no-other-option beliefs, and strongly-held beliefs.

Safe beliefs are the ones about a person’s name, locality, and other definite things. I’m safe to believe that my name is Harini and I’m from India. If I say I believe I can speak 2 languages, that’s also a safe belief.

When Martine Wright in her interview with ‘The Guardian‘ after being the last person rescued in a serious bombing and after losing both her legs, says “I have to believe this happened for a reason,” she had to process everything that had happened and the terrible impact. She needed a reason to believe why it happened to get rid of the trauma. This is the no-other-option belief.

Strongly-held beliefs are the ones that we learnt in the past. This, at its core originates from past experiences, conditioning, and learning. It includes strong ones like religious and political beliefs; and also some light-headed beliefs like the best football team, etc.

I once remember having a conversation about reading books with a friend. I was habitual of reading from physical ‘books’, the old school way as I have been reading from long ago before Kindle came into existence. While my friend became an avid reader very recently since the pandemic hit. As he couldn’t buy physical books, he resorted to reading digitally. I kept saying how reading books is the best experience and digital reading is not at par with the old sage ‘books’.

We had a not-so-useful argument about the same because I couldn’t let go of the belief that books are the best. He asked me a few simple questions and one of them being, “Why are you not open to accepting digital reading sources?” That got me thinking. Do I only believe that books could give me the best experience? He also asked if the belief of books being the real gem has become a part of my identity that I am not able to let go of it. The questions were really simple ones but they got me thinking in bed that night. I learned to cherish books. It is a strong belief of mine now.

II.

After some research and pouring over similar articles, I had some understanding of the same.

So beliefs are infused with emotions and that can directly affect your thought process, the actions you take, and your behavior. Beliefs are a sense of your identity.

For instance, the mention of religion or politics will spiral down to an argument in any discussion forum while that’s not the case with a programming language, a mathematical equation or anything that requires expertise in the field. Paul Graham, the co-founder of Y Combinator says, “Religion, politics, etc. are topics where there’s no threshold of expertise for expressing an opinion. All you need is strong convictions.”

These have no facts or definite answers for various questions and there’s no pressure behind the people’s opinions or beliefs to be correct. And nobody can be proven wrong which implies every belief or opinion is equally valid and sensible.

However, why does this happen? Is it because of the topics themselves – that politics and religion have questions with no definite answers?

For example, a discussion among Asians about a war in Northern America that took place back in the 1980s would not spiral down into a religious war or political argument solely because they don’t have any beliefs or opinions about that war, let alone be aware of the war itself. But the same discussion could cause a horrible argument in North America now because it involves their opinions & beliefs which form their identity. And if the war had taken place in 2005 instead of the 1980s, then it might be even worse because some of the people involved in the discussion could have been directly impacted by the war, in turn dispensing some beliefs based on that.

So the source of trouble is not politics or religion or the war but the involvement of people whose identities were well-defined for these topics.

Having a constructive argument or a proper discussion about their beliefs or identity is not fruitful many a time. Why? The answer is obvious – as my beliefs are challenged, so is my identity. I feel very insecure and get super defensive. I become thin-skinned.

It is similar to starting a discussion with an already set mind, with an identity. We are heading nowhere with the discussion because we are not open to accepting change. For constructive discussions and arguments, the people involved should not identify themselves with these topics or these topics should not engage the identities of the people.^[1]

Again going back to what Paul says, “There’s a step beyond tolerating an opposing point B while your point is A: which is to not even consider yourself as A.” Dissecting and absorbing the same – learning your point A was/is easy; but unlearning your point A to pay heed to point B is the real challenge.

Simply put, learning is easy, unlearning is always the challenge.

III.

What is unlearning? According to an article by The Hindu, it is realizing that something I learnt is obsolete or incorrect, accepting the same, and letting go of it. To learn the better way is to relearn. But to willingly undergo the paradigm shift from letting go of the outdated paradigm to cherishing a new paradigm is what unlearning is all about.^[2]

Unlearning is just learning something against your beliefs and identity.

Holding on to everything we learnt is always not the best idea. We learn, we believe in what we learn to the extent that it becomes our identity. Your learning also has an expiry date or is even wrong in the first place. To accept that is yet another real task.

Taking some examples: simply, we have somehow learnt to associate fat and ugly for some reason. At this point, I’m scared of using the word ‘fat’ as I might come across as an offensive person. Why did we learn that? Worse, we also started believing the same. It never was the truth and it never is. However, if fat is ugly then thin is also ugly. Our belief is incomplete, ineffective, and incorrect. Isn’t it time to unlearn all of these? I would say we are already late.

This applies to not only beliefs around generic topics like politics, religion, history, etc. but also to concrete ones like ‘business.’

According to a Harvard business review article, in several aspects of business, we hold on tight to the operating models that have become obsolete & ineffective due to several factors.

To embrace the new models of values, we have to unlearn the old ones. Unlearning is about stepping outside the mental order or identity; simply, taking a step back at the crossroads and choosing the alternative path to trod on.

It’s not easy to unlearn certain beliefs that create a sense of identity which are directly affecting the thoughts and actions that we are habitual. Quoting the words from the Harvard article,

“It takes unlearning to see the belief as only one possibility rather than the canonical truth.”

It is always worth the struggle.

There’s a fine line between beliefs becoming an identity and beliefs being mere beliefs that are loosely held onto and more importantly, accepting the fact that it’s prone to change. Learn to unlearn your beliefs. Learn to unlearn.

Going back to my story, I have started reading digitally only to realize how many blogs, articles, e-books, and e-newsletters I have missed all these years only because I didn’t want to let go of the belief that books, magazines, and papers are the best and digital reading could never stand next to it. It became my identity.

Nevertheless, now I’m open, yet seeking. We should be open & willing to let the change manifest within ourselves. Yet we should not forget to seek.

We learn things, form beliefs, and they become an identity. If you hold on to what you learn, it becomes a belief and if you hold on too tightly to what you believe it becomes your identity. 
Identity is best devoured when it is kept small! 

– Harini ♠

References:

1. Identity by Paul Graham
2. Learn to unlearn by The Hindu
3. GIF source – created

Thanks for reading! If you liked it, do share it with your friends and family. Thanks to Krishnaveni and Raghul for proofreading and reviewing drafts of this.

All views expressed by me are personal. Any feedback and criticism are more than welcome. Find me on LinkedIn or Instagram.