Muted colors of decay

Memories

Vaguely classified memories can be pleasant or terrible, happy or sad, depending on the emotions attached to them. You might share memories with people. It is possible that sometimes, a memory registered in your happy books might be in someone else’s sad books. Diving a tad deeper, fond memories can become bad, over time, or vice versa. We call them bittersweet memories. When you cherish a memory that has a good or happy connotation and once the truth is unveiled, you realize that you were a fool to have been holding on to a lie. Over time, you heal and when the memory is faint, you call it bittersweet.

Alice in the book Mister Tender’s Girl rightly quoted, “There’s nothing in this world more trapping than one’s own mind.”

Memory is scary. Genuinely scary. As scary & mystical as it could get. I am calling it mystical because there is no backup. We ensure our physical data has backup and the best part – is you can duplicate the exact original content. Unfortunately, we can’t do that with memory. How much ever you try to document it through the pages of your journal or capture the moments through your lenses, it can’t be the same.
We have episodic memory, which means we can recall, relive and relish our experiences. Isn’t that scary because, after every episode of reliving your memory, you somehow miss some teeny tiny bit of that memory?

The scariest aspect of memory is when you try to be in denial about your memory, or when you shall try to dodge the memory from surfacing up. Yet, you can’t block it enough all the time, and it slowly seeps through the dense chunk of your database and surfaces at the top of your mind, freaking you out. You can’t really defend yourself anymore, and you give in. You dissolve yourself into that harsh memory for once, and for the rest of your life it either becomes a muzzy dim memory or scars you all over again like a fresh wound.

Is memory a good thing or not? Everyone is happy about the existence of memory. Is that really a boon like they make it seem to be? Isn’t it a big hazard to our lives, constantly reminding us of all the painful instances from the past and of the good old times which we can’t go back to anymore because the changes that have taken place in our lives are irreversible?

Personally, the first batch of thoughts that surfaced in my mind upon hearing the term ‘memory’ were the titles or the crazy plots of the various psychological thriller books I have read so far because the coveted hero and the despised villain, most of the time, is the same monster named memory – one guy remembers everything from the past while the other forgets everything from the past. I still haven’t been able to make out whose fault it is, if not for memory’s game.

At trying times, we all hold on to those memories we had cherished in the deepest corners of our hearts. In that case, it’s a cruel-sweet tradeoff where if you need these happy memories, you are also coerced into handling the harsh memories without choice. If we can’t relive these memories and still store them like it was untouched and intact, then what good are these memories? Do we need these good memories? Maybe we do. Maybe not.

Neither do some questions need answers nor do some problems need a decisive solution. Let’s just ponder & wonder.

While this is yet another tempestuous take on personal memory inclined more towards an emotional front, the academic or educative memory obviously helps connect the dots and certainly aids in the evolution of mankind. The catch here is to identify what needs to go to your memory bank and what could potentially be discounted. Let’s ponder & wonder more.

– Harini ♠

Source:

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Author’s note:
Re-publishing my article from the Toastmasters term newsletter of my club. The theme was ‘Memories’ and I ended up jotting down this simply abstract take, as opposed to sharing a personal favorite memory that made an impression.